Our culture seems to confuse awareness with anxiety.
That somehow, if we become finely tuned into something, that we will worry endlessly.
I’m thinking specifically of budgeting. It has become the norm lately to encourage a certain lack of awareness around spending so that you don’t have to worry. So that you can “feel better”.
The hard truth? That’s what therapists call avoidant behavior. And, in general, avoidance is not healthy. Sure – in true survival situations it may be adaptive to avoid in the moment. But most of us are not in life-or-death situations when we look at our spending patterns.
Though our brain may disagree, there is no lion hiding in the bushes ready to pounce.
You are ok.
To avoid something that feels unpleasant but that must be attended to does not create lasting peace, wellness or financial stability. It gives you a quick hit of dopamine the moment you avoid the thing – it is a short-term tactic, but it is not a long-term strategy.
To be conscious of something, to be aware of it, is not synonymous with worry. At least not long-term, never ending worry.
Sure, the first time you pay attention to how you spend your money (or your time, energy or attention for that matter) you may feel an initial rise of anxiety. That’s normal. And, it will pass.
Awareness allows us to see things clearly as they are so that we can make wise decisions and move forward in a healthy way.
If you find yourself normalizing the behavior to ignore your spending because it feels good or you deserve it … try again. Try differently. Try softer. Know that facing your fears head on is actually good for you. Before you can have true intentionality with your money you must first have awareness.
If it’s scary enough that you feel you need extra support, then by all means connect with a trusted therapist to walk you through it. That’s ok. It’s always ok to seek the support you need!
What’s not ok is habitual avoidance – it will catch up with you eventually.
You deserve better! AND – YOU CAN DO IT. I believe in you. I believe in your inherent ability to make wise choices and face the hard things. You can do hard things.
If the support of a coaching-centric financial planner would also be helpful, I’m here. My 12-month program would be ideal for you since it carves out time and space to work through the hard stuff and distill out the bullshit that’s getting in your way so that you can implement the financial plan we design together.
